How was your summer?
This has been mine.

June 20 First day of summer. Hooray.

June 21 Take Z3 to BMW of Murray because it's missing (coughing and hesitating) at low RPM. Mechanic says nothing is wrong; that will be $110.

June 24-28 Drive to beautiful Northern California for meetings. Drive back through Death Valley. All of NoCal is on fire. Drive 45 miles down normally beautiful Highway 1 but have to turn back because of fires. Take 101. Whole trip is in smoke. Car is running poorly. Gas mileage is bad.

July 1 Shoot self in thigh with .22 handgun. Bullet is lodged next to knee.

July 4 weekend Go to Jackson, Wyoming, with Mother and Dad. Paul's group and Sara's family also go. Watch others run Snake River, sit by Jenny Lake, go to Bar J, watch fireworks from fairgrounds, and eat breakfast burrito at DOG's and lunch at Bubba's. Everyone has a wonderful time, especially Mother. Bright spot in summer so far.

July 8 Go to orthopedic surgeon in Park City, who says to leave bullet in knee. What about lead poisoning?

July 8 Mother learns from MRI that infusion chemo therapy is not working. Doctors stop infusion and decide to try one last-chance double chemo treatment.

July 10 Learn in first-ever biweekly 1:1 with boss that department is being dissolved. I am ronin (masterless samurai) until September 8, at which time I will be unemployed.

August 4 Dad, Paul, and I go to Huntsman and learn double chemo is not working. Doctor says Mother has two months. "That's liberal."

August 5 Interview for Cisco education solution marketing position. Hiring director tells recruiter I am "strong candidate" and schedules interviews with his team.

August 11 Edu solution hiring director goes on vacation for two weeks then to Global Sales Meeting for two weeks, while layoff clock is ticking.

August 18 Go to Dr. Eric Heiden (former Winter Olympic phenom turned surgeon and head of TOSH). He agrees with Park City doctor that I should leave the bullet in my knee. What about lead poisoning? And what about the pain whenever I use my knee, like for bending and holding me up? He recommends physical therapy.

August 19 Kidney doctor tells me my kidneys are fine, after telling me four months ago that I am in stage-two kidney failure. I guess this is good.

August 20 Begin physical therapy on knee.

August 21 Decide to replace spark plugs in Z3 myself. Now it runs like a dream. Send complaint letter to service manager at BMW of Murray. He never responds.

August 22 Interview for Cisco technology solution manager position. Hiring manager says, "I like what I'm hearing" and asks that I meet with others on his team. He goes to Hawaii for a week, while unemployment clock keeps on ticking.

August 26 Starter goes out in Tahoe. Save $400 by replacing it myself. Drive as far as 7-11 when truck cuts out and catches on fire. Lucky to have fire extinguisher. In 7-11 parking lot at 11 p.m., repair starter wires that are pressed against exhaust pipe.

August 27 Interview for Cisco CIO-relationship manager position, and hiring manager asks me to interview with others on her team. She doesn't go on vacation. This is a good sign.

August 28 Interview with three people for CIO-relationship position.

August 29 Go to physical therapy for second time. Pain increases.

Most of August and into September (about four weeks) -- Mother has thoughts to share and understands us, but most of her words make little sense. Very discouraging and frustrating, especially for her. We all spend time with her daily. Nancy moves in during the week. Paul and I trade staying overnight the weekend of August 30-31. She asks for a blessing to release her life. We give her a blessing more of comfort. Family holds fast for her to go quickly. Her suffering--more mental anguish than physical suffering--seems like forever.

September 1 Do physical therapy exercises at home. Knee is very painful (for next several weeks). Do not do exercises again. Sometimes cannot walk. Have to lean on boxes of diapers at entrance to Costco so I don't fall over.

September 2 Interview with director over CIO-relationship manager position.

September 3 Mother opens eyes and looks at Dad as if to say good bye then goes into coma.

September 3 Everyone in family in Utah gathers around Mother's bed, and Paul offers family prayer. Then each person says good bye.

September 3-4 Nancy, Janet, Paul, and I stay overnight and sit by Mother's bed until about 3:30 a.m. talking with Dad and each other.

September 4 Wake up at 6 a.m. and check on Mother. Her breathing and heart rate have slowed some (from 48 and 140-150, respectively, the previous day and night). Paul checks her about 8 a.m., and she is the same. About 8:15 Paul comes into the bell tower (living room by grandfather clock), where I had tried to sleep, and says, "I think it's time." Mother has stopped breathing, and she is gone. We cry.

September 4 CIO relationship hiring manager says I am "the top candidate." I just need to do a "rubber stamp" interview with the vice president, who isn't available for a week, when I will no longer be a Cisco employee.

September 5 Cisco grants two week extension without pay to close the CIO-relationship job. Edu director has disappeared from my radar. I want the CIO job, but the technology solution job is backup. Tech hiring manager leaves a message saying I am his top candidate, but he's having trouble getting funding released for position.

September 7 Give prayer and spiritual thought in Stake PEC meeting and take Mother off stake prayer list.

September 8 Technology solution manager position at Cisco falls through. Bummer. Get root beer float with Randy at Hires. Come home to find offer for CIO-relationship job at Cisco.

September 9 Attend Mother's viewing.

September 10 Mother's funeral. Barry offers family prayer. Andrea and Jennifer offer opening and closing prayers. Nancy plays piano. Jamie and Sara play violins with Heather accompanying. Paul, Amy, I, and Bishop Trajillo speak. Bagpipes at cemetery. John dedicates grave. Officially begin new job. Take bereavement leave for three days.

September 15 Go to San Jose for week of meetings.

September 21 Last day of summer. Hooray!

Postscript: Three big events dominated my summer: shooting myself in the leg, mother's dying, and losing a job that I liked and that put food on the table. Shooting myself turned out to be mostly a distraction and entertainment for some. So two events: being laid off and mother's dying. It's interesting that I was cut loose from my job just after we got back from Jackson, when Mother's condition started getting worse pretty quickly. Even though I was under a lot of stress, and finding a job takes a lot of time, I no longer had to go to San Jose or New York or work late to finish last-minute projects. I actually had quite a bit of flexibility to spend time with Mother, as well as Dad, Nancy, Janet, and Paul. And I continued to receive a paycheck. Then, shortly after she died, I was offered a new job. The job officially started on the day of her funeral, but I really started the following Monday, and I ended up with just one day of unpaid leave. Looking back I think there was someone directing these events. Also looking back, it seems that her suffering really was for a very short period.